Surrendering The Girl Card

Personally, despite our efforts to be unique or independent, I think the majority of us like to be categorized in a "group".  One of the most obvious seems to be gender.  TV shows, college majors, libraries, and even playgrounds are dedicated to segregating gender and usually arguing which one is better.


Of course, there are obvious differences in our physical appearance (if you don't know that - you have bigger problems).  And we tend to have emotional differences too - not always, but in general.  Those differences can be good and bad.

But, even in our gender circles, we all differ.  There are some obvious differences I have with women - I don't have kids or a spouse so I don't know what it's like to fight with my husband or go through labor or a sleepless night with crying kids. 


Being unique is awesome - but sometimes when you are in the "club", there are certain bylaws you are kind of expected to live by.  I thought about this week about reasons why I may have to surrender my girl card:


1 - I HATE high heel shoes.  Now, those that know me would probably agree that I hate shoes in general.  However, ironically, I probably have more shoes than most women.  They are the first things I take off when I get home.  I'm occasionally found walking around the office without shoes.  If I'm ever spiritual enough to build my own world, I'd find a way to make things without sharp edges or feet that are indestructible!


A couple of years ago, I went on a "bender" and bought a bunch of high heel shoes.  I have found over time that I hate them all - even my favorite blue pair.  It probably doesn't help that they have to support a lot of extra weight these days and maybe I'm just getting old.  But, I just find that I have pain in either the balls of my feet, my arches, or my heels and I walk like I'm on stilts.  Maybe I'll change my mind one of these days, but not likely.


2 - I think the handbag industry in an example of the Emperor's New Clothes.  I was watching a home shopping channel where they were selling handbags for $250 - $400.  Despite how cute they were, there was absolutely no way I could choke that down.  Several months ago, I was shopping in Hawaii in an expensive handbag store.  They wanted $250 for a WALLET!!! 


This is an industry that has continued to climb in price - the same bags you could get 3 years ago for $60 are more than double.  When you see handbags that are the same price as a car - in a bag where you can spill a bottle of lotion, need to purchase a separate wallet and still misplace your car keys - there is something seriously wrong!


3 - I just don't like newborn babies.  I love the idea of babies.  I know in my mind that they are straight from heaven.  But, babies weigh less than my purse...and if I drop my purse, there is no permanent damage. 


Not all newborns are cute (aka Seinfeld episode with the breathtaking baby).  I remember a friend in college saying that her niece wasn't cute and getting a lot of looks.  Wish I could have that conversation with her today.

And finally, newborns and even up to toddlers make me nervous because I don't know what a cry means - is she tired, thirsty, needs a diaper change, wants a pizza?  When the child can point (or even speak) to what she wants, then we will be good friends!

4 - Not a fan of jewelry.  I got my ears pierced when I was 16 and they probably closed up a year later.  I can't even decide what pants and shirt to put on in the morning - it's a lot of pressure to have to choose necklaces, earrings, and bracelets.  I really try to embrace the concept - we have jewelry sales at work once a year and I usually buy something with the intention of starting up again.  But it usually goes in the pile with the other items.  (I do, however, like scarves...)

And don't get me started on the price.  I can understand precious metals - but some of it is just junk and when the fake and real ones start to look alike...

5 - I like sports.  This may get me kicked out faster than any of the others.  I am one of the rare girls that can talk about sporting events.  I can't say I'm a diehard fan of all the events.  But, I can probably tell you which teams are in the playoffs, major sporting headlines, and can recall some of the major games.

On the plus side, this gets me at least a temporary "man" card.  I've been able to carry on a decent conversation with a group of men because I'm knowledgeable on this topic.

6 - Girls nights are stressful for me.  I like the concept of a girl's night out.  It's usually dinner or a treat - sometimes it's games, sometimes it's shopping.  I think it's great to get women together to bond, make friends and sustain friendships.  But, getting to Girls Night Out is extremely hard for me.  I'm not even a fan of Visiting Teaching or RS Meetings (Homemaking, or whatever the heck it's called these days). 

It's probably in large part due to the fact that I don't have kids or a spouse.  Women generally don't exclude me from the conversation because these are missing from my life (or at least intentionally).  But over time, I start to feel like I have to stretch to find commonality - again, this is my problem, not the women I'm with!  I know I need to stretch myself, but it's just hard.

People who know me could probably add ten more items to the list.  Hopefully, we can all just accept each other for who we are and not what we are not. 

March Madness and the Gift of the Atonement

It's the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament!  That may not mean a lot to many of you.  But, hang in there and I will make a point.

For me, it's a magical time.  It's a time where non-sport enthusiasts fill out a bracket by mascot, color or even coin flip and be the top of the office pool by the end of the second day.  It's co-workers gathering in offices, discussing the teams like pro commentators, and even trash talking in a fun way. 

It's watching the David teams like Mercer and Dayton take down a Goliath like Duke or Syracuse.  It's watching a team that barely qualifies and has to go to a play-in game be a Sweet 16 contender when a favorite goes home in the second round.  There are those unbelievable three-pointers and that freshman that hasn't done a thing all year who suddenly puts in 25 points.

This year, Warren Buffet, the famous financier, offered $1 billion dollars for a perfect bracket - choosing the winner of all 63 games.  I think I was out by the third game.  By the end of the first day, there were 18,000 perfect brackets left.  When Duke lost, that number lowered to 58.  By the game 21, even the best at the game (or the best guessers) had spoiled their unblemished brackets.

It turns out that the odds of getting a perfect bracket are between 1 in 174 million (if you are REALLY a basketball guru) and 9.5 quintillion (http://www.policymic.com/articles/85401/mathematicians-have-determined-your-odds-of-picking-the-perfect-ncaa-bracket).  Think about it - that's the odds to get 63 games right.  No one has ever done it in the 100+ years of tracking! 

Now, let's apply this to life.  Honestly, how many decisions do we make every single day?  Starting with hitting the snooze button or waking up early; blue or grey pants; sandwich or soup; long or short commute; say something or let her walk out of here with the lettuce on her teeth; paper or plastic; vanilla or chocolate.

We know we make more than 63 decisions in a given day - how many of these will we get wrong?  It's actually frightening to think about.  We've gone to lunch and looked at the other person's plate wishing we had gotten what they did.  We regret using our time one way when we should have done another.  We even wish we had stayed in our lane during a traffic jam instead of moving over.  We say something negative about a slow waitress instead of saying something kind.  We probably have less than a 9.5 quintillion chance of getting every decision right.  And we start over every single day.

Most of our decisions aren't major to the outcome of our lives.  The color of your tie probably isn't critical.  But, some decisions - whether of commission or omission - can change the course.  And, eventually, making the same bad decisions over and over may change things like our spiritual, physical, mental or emotional health.  For example, not brushing your teeth tonight isn't a big deal.  But not brushing every day could put your dental health a risk.

Complicate this even further - doing the right thing should be done with the right intent.  I can be kind to my neighbor, but if I expect something for that kindness, it's not genuine.

My nephew is getting baptized next week.  I think about how he'll be pure and clean on that day, in that moment.  But, eventually, just like the rest of us, he'll yell at his sister, use a word he shouldn't, forget to read his scriptures one night.  Suddenly, that perfection is gone. 

We've been learning in Primary the song "I Stand All Amazed".  It talks about the life, atonement, crucifixion and resurrection of Christ and how it was all done for each of us individually.  It's a beautiful song with amazing words. 

I can't try to explain the Atonement in words because I can't.  I don't understand and I'll never understand how one person could take on all the pain and suffering.  Things that I think are too hard for me to get through the day - He took it on times every person who ever lived on the earth.  Events that you see or read about that are too painful to watch for one minute - He took it all on. 

I tend to think of the Atonement as a gift to be used for my "big" mistakes.  But, if I undoubtedly make daily mistakes (and I'm sure I've made 9.2 quintillion in my life!), utilizing the Atonement every day is vital to correcting my mistakes.  The Atonement and my relationship with Christ can help me to course correct when I make small mistakes to ensure that I don't put myself at risk against danger.  It helps me get my actions and my motives right. 

I know I need to use and more importantly, appreciate the Atonement in my life.  I know I can't be perfect on my own.  I will never win the billion dollars with a perfect bracket, but know that with the Lord's help, I can find a more important perfection someday.  And that gift, my friends is priceless...

The David Edsen Project - Join Me!

Valentine's Day is coming up.  I don't hate the holiday, but it's not one of my favorites.

It's hard on a single person.  (I realize not all of those with partners love this day either.)  The day is filled with reminders that YOU DO NOT HAVE ANYONE in your life.  The romantic dinners, the hearts, the special tokens - all of it seems to be billboards to remind you of your relationship (or lack of relationship) status. 

But, I've learned that Valentine's Day, like other holidays, is not all about us.  It's not about receiving roses or balloons.  It's not the sappy cards or stuffed animals.  It's a day to celebrate love. The best Valentine's Days I have had have been focused on others.  It's the year that I took balloons and candy to the grade school, junior high and high school for my youth group.  It's the time I put fun surprises together for my nieces and nephews.  When I remember the holiday is for expressing love, it changes how I feel about it.

Maybe one reason I dislike Valentine's Day is that it takes me back to a bad experience from 5th Grade.  If I remember right, all the kids in my primary class happen to be in that class so my social life was good.  The class had the usual groups of friends on the playground and in the lunch room.  

Valentine's Day was just a few days away.  The right side of the room, next to our book bags and coats, were the pink and red decorated shoe boxes, destined to become mailboxes.  The boxes that once held sneakers and mary janes were now waiting to be filled with possibilities.  Would I get a valentine from that cute boy?  Would the cool girls give me a treat?  I remember being home organizing my box of valentines, strategically deciding who would get the "special" ones and which ones would be for those that weren't exactly my close friends.  

Mrs Griffin, our teacher, asked David to run to the principal's office to do an errand.  She had all of us stop what we were doing.  She told us that she was ashamed of us.  That's a lot for a teacher to say.  She told us that David had stayed after school the day before to put valentines in the mailboxes.  When he opened his box, there was nothing inside.  She saw the look on his face.

David Edsen (I am embarrassed that I'm not sure if this is the spelling).  He was different.  He wasn't LDS (that I was aware of).  He dressed a little differently, didn't always keep his hair combed.  He was a little slower than the others.  I remember that we had an unwelcomed substitute named Mrs. Hammer.  We called her Mrs. Hammerhead behind her back.  One day, when she was eaching, David raised his hand and said "Mrs. Hammerhead, Mrs. Hammerhead..."  We all just dropped our heads in embarrassment.

In today's world, David would probably have been put in a different class.  He also would have been a poster child for kids being bullied and probably would have been much protected.  He probably got called a lot of names.  He was the butt of a lot of jokes.  I'm sure he got beat up from time to time.  I know that school wasn't somewhere he felt acceptance.

I don't remember ever being unkind, but I sure didn't stand up for him. At 10, I was more worried about fitting in and being popular than I was about being a disciple of Christ.  I'm embarrassed that I sat in church singing and talking about choosing the right and couldn't demonstrate that by simply being kind to someone in my class.

Of course, Mrs. Griffin had observed everyone's behavior throughout the year.  And this was probably the time she could finally speak up.  I don't remember much of what was said, but I still remember how I felt and the tears rolling down my cheek - 34 years later and I still cry when I think about those few minutes.  I was only relieved that I had not yet brought in my valentines.  I made sure that I got a special valentine for David that year.

I would like to think that things changed for David after that, but I'm not it did.  He moved away after that year - probably in part due to the way he was treated at school.  I never heard from him or about him again.  Every time I think about it, I wish I could change the past.  It's a dagger in my heart that seems to resurrect itself around this time every year. I read something on Facebook that describes my feelings perfectly:

• Grab a plate and throw it on the ground
• Okay, done.
• Did it break?
• Yes
• Now, say sorry to it
• Sorry
• Did it go back to the way it was before?
• No
• Do you understand?

I can't even say I'm sorry in person.  So, while I can't fix the broken plate or the broken heart and spirit of an old classmate, maybe I can try something else - to take a bad situation and try to do some good with The David Edsen project.  During this Valentine's season, I'm going to challenge myself and all of you to find a David Edsen - those who feel unloved.  Let them know that during this time the world celebrates love, there are people who care about them. 

Find someone in your circle of friends who will be alone this Valentine's Day and take them to dinner.  Give a plate of cookies to someone in your church circle who needs a friend.  Find that person at work or at school who seems to be alone a lot and sit with them during lunch.  That neighbor that you've been distant from - send a card.  Go to a retirement home and talk to the people - let them know there is still love around.  Give flowers to strangers.

If you feel inclined, please share this with others so we can spread the good.  For those that take the challenge, please let me know what you did and how you felt.  While I can't fix what happened, I can try to move forward and hope that maybe I can influence someone else.  Maybe it will reach him or someone he cares about...someday.  

Taking Offense versus Keeping It

Before I start this story, I want you to know that I adore our bishop.  He is a man that really cares about the people in his flock.  Because of that, at times, he can do things a little unorthodox.  It's really in the spirit that he believes that we should celebrate more in the church.  He would give a token/certificate and public praise for every accomplishment, if he could.

A few Sundays ago, we had a confirmation of a new member during Sacrament Meeting.  When it was done, he went to the pulpit to officially welcome her into the ward.  He then asked for all those that could welcome her into the ward to raise their right hand.  Then out of habit, he said "If there are any opposed, please raise your hand."  (For those of you not LDS, when we call people to positions, we ask for a sustaining vote and then given an opportunity to oppose - most people do not oppose.)  

The man behind me said what I was thinking "Not sure if you can really 'oppose' welcoming someone new".  I turned around and said "No, you just go ahead and be rude to them, right?"  :-)

Of course, as members of a congregation, neighborhood, community or a family, we should never oppose welcoming someone new or being cordial to someone we know.  But, we've likely all done it.  And, conversely, we have all easily be the recipient of someone "opposing" to be kind in small and large ways - wittingly or unwittingly.

This last week, I was reading a blog that I found interesting.  The blog talked about how to not be offended by members of the church who profess to believe the same attibutes of kindness, love & charity.  The information was good, but as usual, I struggled with some of the content - particularly by the comments.  Some wrote that being offended was something that was our fault.  I will have to respectfully disagree to a point.

By saying that being offended is our own fault, it means that the other person holds no responsibility for what is said or done.  That attitude means that people can go around doing whatever they want, because if you don't like it, it's your problem.  What someone else says or does (or doesn't do) certainly has an impact on each of us.  

Those that have a stewardship over others have an even greater responsibility not to offend.  Recently, someone I care about had a terrible experience with person in a leadership position.  My friend felt as if their opinions and even things they had put great care into were dismissed.  This person was questioned on their loyalty and never really ever thanked for their efforts.  And this persso on was released from their service with very little care or kindness - almost in a mocking way.

Every one of us probably have a similar story.  The scriptures talk about being accountable for our stewardship.  Again, if people fall away as a result of being treated poorly, how is the ownership all on them? The person who didn't fulfill their assignment or said or did something offensive has to have some responsibility.

Each Sunday, I teach a group of seven/eight year olds.  We talk about gospel principles like faith, baptism, repentance, etc.  As part of the conversation, we nearly always talk about choosing the right by following the example of Christ.  Nearly, every week, we talk about what we need to do to follow the Savior.  "Be kind" is a common answer.  So, if others do not follow the Savior, why is it my fault if I feel bad about something someone else says or does?  

When we or those we love are treated unkindly, we take offense.  When comments are made that goes against our very nature, we take offense.  When someone steps aside and watches an injustice without stepping in, we take offense.  Even the D&C talks about offending God.  So, I believe taking offense is natural and expected.

But, on the flip side:  What we DO with that offense is another issue.  We can choose how long to keep that offense.  Steven Covey talks about how humans have the ability to think between stimulus and response.  We can control our short and long term reactions.  We don't have to get upset whenever someone says something offensive.  It's a good attribute to think before we act.

I do believe there are times we have a right and obligation to stand up for ourselves and others when there is offensive behavior.  We don't have to be angry, but we can find a way to chastise and then return with kindness.

For some behavior, the hurt is real and it's strong.  It's a knife in our hearts, every time we see the person or hear their names.  The words and actions (or inactions) wake us up in the middle of the night; occupies our thoughts at inopportune times.  It can linger for a long time, despite our best efforts. But, to be truly happy, we have to find a way to eliminate these feelings from our lives.  

One thing to note is that we can not only are offended, but we can also be offenders.  We likely caused this kind of hurt to someone else - knowingly or not.  I know I will be accountable for many things I have done or have not done in church callings, as a Christian, and just as a human being.  

The only way to stop us from keeping offenses or repenting for ours is the Atonement.  One great lesson I learned in my life was that the Savior atoned for the entire sin.  This means He took on the pain not only of the sinner, but of those that were sinned upon.  We don't have to keep our offenses - the Savior already paid the price.  He took on the pain and suffering so that we don't have to take it.  

Certainly, this isn't always easy for us to do.  I know I still have hurts from years ago that I'm still trying to work through.  And, I have things which I do every day that probably offend others.  But, the Atonement available to each of us so we can focus our lives more on the Savior and His teachings instead of the hurt.

So, we can certainly take offense - but it's our job not to keep it around for very long.  It's the only way we can truly be happy.

Judge Not Unrighteously

Sometimes it's just hard to be a Mormon...
Sometimes it's just hard to be a woman...
Sometimes it's just hard to be a Mormon woman...

I'm a bit hesitant to write this because it may add fuel to an already growing fire.  But, this has been building for a while so I feel like I need to write it down.

Just before Christmas, I got a Facebook post with a quote from President Monson.  It had a scene with Black Friday shoppers and the quote was his concern with Christ being removed from Christmas.  (Note that the post wasn't from him, the picture wasn't from him - someone who puts the quotes and pictures together.)

As I read the comments, I just got mad.  It starts with chastising anyone who went shopping on Black Friday like they were following the devil.  Next was the comments about how THEY are doing only homemade gifts.  Then, the comments came about how their family doesn't do any gifts for Christmas.  (I was waiting for the comment that they burn all gifts in effigy when they arrive.)  Soon the posts arrive about saying "Happy Holidays" is like a curse word.

It felt so one-upman that I was ready to scream (and I think I did in my car).  I don't think giving gifts or having Santa Claus decorations at Christmas means I am "less spiritual" than anyone else.  I somehow don't think President Monson is tossing out the presents under his tree.  I have Jewish friends and I have become more aware of trying to be inclusive.  So does saying "Happy Holidays" mean I love the Savior any less?

Last week, LDS Living posted about four LDS NFL football players who could be in the Super Bowl.  Within minutes the posts came:  "Why are we celebrating people who play sports on the Sabbath?"  "I don't KNOW any NFL players because WE don't watch on Sundays."  Again, the heat came into my cheeks about this. 

I heard Steve Young talk once about his decision to not go on a mission.  This decision came as a result of prayer and two separate priesthood blessings.  I expect that many of the professional players that are not only LDS but other faithful Christians have had the same hours of prayer and reflection on what to do.

Of course, I believe we can honor the people like Eric Liddell - an Olympian who chose not to run on Sundays.  And Eli Herring, a BYU player who was offered millions to go into the NFL and decided to not play on the Sabbath.  But, can these others who choose a professional career which requires work on Sundays provide just as good of an example? 

Next - the woman issue.  I read a blog today from a man who was defending a previous blog.  He had previous written about how proud he was that his wife was a stay-at-home mom.  Another blogger wrote about how demeaning this was.  He responded back.  I didn't have many issues with his words - although it didn't really address those who had to work even though they didn't want to.

But as you read the comments, the continuous debate of "who loves their children more" pops up.  And it's frustrating - stay-at-home moms that do nothing with their kids may spend less time than the working-out-of-the-home mom who devotes every spare minute to them.  Some women may be better mothers by being away from home than by being with their children all day.

I tread lightly here.  I love and honor those of you that are stay-at-home moms or stay-at-home dads.  You have the toughest jobs in the world and receive very little praise and recognition.  And the work you do is honorable.  And those men and women that have to work outside the home that want to be home - I can feel your struggles, even if I don't understand them completely.  And for those of you that choose to work outside the home - it's not my place to question your decision.

Finally, the Mormon Woman.  A group put together a list of the "100 Coolest Mormon Women Alive Today".  Of course, the comments come with the usual banter of who should and shouldn't have made the list.  

I got hot about a comment from a woman who said that any success not related to raising children was secondary.  Well, as someone that doesn't have children - I took offense to that.  I never feel worse about not being married and having children than when a bunch of Relief Society "sisters" point out to me that I am not fulfilling my "highest calling". 

I just got an email this week from a former young woman who I only taught for a short time.  (My non-Mormon friends - this is a group of teens from 12 - 18.)  She told me that she cherished a girls' camp experience where I taught her that it was important to just be herself.  It was years ago - I don't even remember the event she was talking about.  But, when I think about that and what that woman said - did my time serving in church really not having meaning or purpose?

The matching thread to all of this:  We are not better or worse than others because of life circumstances or even life decisions.  And we would all be better off if we would cherish our differences instead of justify why ours is better.

In the Mormon verse of scripture, Doctrine & Covenants section 46 verse 26 says:  And all these ^agifts come from God, for the benefit of the ^bchildren of God.  If anyone is using their gifts to benefit the children of God, they should be celebrated.

Of course, not all of our choices are good ones.  It's what the Holy Ghost or our conscience is there for - if we aren't at peace with our decisions, we probably didn't make the right ones.  But, the only people that have a right to comment are those affected and our Heavenly Father.  If we are at peace with those, we are doing the right thing.

And the rest of us need to back off!

Helping an Independent Dependent

This week, our company hosted eleven employees from various countries for an inaugural International Operations Conference.  It was something we've tried to put together for over a year so we were very excited to get the approval in November.  We quickly put together the schedule, transportation, etc.  It involved basically four days of meetings, an offsite to Jackson Hole for sledding and shopping, and a day of individual trainings.  The meetings went very well and I think we accomplished most of the goals.

To accomplish something of this size, you need some help.  Asking for help is not an easy thing for me.  One of my challenges at work is that people don't think I do a good job of delegating.  I watch myself say "Nothing" when people ask what they can do and I'm so stressed that I can't see straight.  Then, ironically, I can get upset when I have to do it all myself :-).

I have wondered why it's so hard to ask for help.  I usually don't get bent out of shape when others ask me for help.  I don't think it's necessary a conscious thing.  I don't expect that people will fail me or will do a poor job.  It might be that I hate bothering others with my problems or concerns.  It's also likely that I feel like it's easier to do it myself than trying to explain exactly how I want it (or that I do such a poor job of explaining what I want...).  Also, I'm a very last minute person so popping things on others the last minute isn't exactly cool.

Any way I try to rationalize it - I'm not good at receiving service.  I realize that it's a skill I need to learn.  I can't improve things or get promoted at work if I try to do everything.  I can't learn from others if I don't use their skills.  I can't be a friend if people don't feel like they can help from time to time.  It's probably something the Lord will teach me in an uncomfortable way.

This week, I learned that there are people I can count on and people I can't.  It's both disappointing and inspiring.  You realize you have people that are dependable and love you.  You get to see the Lord's hand in your life through earthly angels.

So, how do you help someone who wants to be independent, but needs help?  On my long drives, I've determined there are different types of people:

1. People who refuse to help - they just say no.
2. People who will tell you they'll help, but then not fulfill the assignment.
3. People who will help you, but do it in their own way which may or may not help.
4. People who do exactly what you ask.
5. People who go above what you ask.
6. People who help you when you didn't know you needed help.

In truth, I'll take #1 over #2 any day of the week.  Sometimes, people just aren't able to help with a busy schedule - I get it and I've been there.  But, when it's hard to ask in the first place, being let down is worse than being told no as you lose faith in people.

We've all had the challenges of #3 - we ask for orange jello mold, but they bring a cherry jello mold.  It might be okay, but if it's for a Blue & Gold Banquet, it doesn't really fit in with the theme.  Often, it can be the result of not communicating the information, but sometimes it's just others doing service at their own convenience.

I appreciate people that are #4 because the assignment is filled.  You got what you needed.

But, the best people in the world are those that can be #5 or #6.  I have a great example in my friend Mari, my neighbors Marilyn & Shirley and especially my mom.  They are women who will call and let you know that they are bringing dinner on Tuesday because you are having a hard week.  They show up on your doorstep with flowers on a bad day.  

So, how do you help people like me?

• First, there are normally tasks that can be done that are common sense and doesn't need a formal invitation.  I'm in admiration of people who start putting away chairs at a ward party even if the elders are in charge; the grandma who pulls a coloring book out of her bag to help a difficult child; bringing a cold drink when sweat is pouring down your face.  It's so much easier when you don't have to tell people exactly what needs to be done, but they can figure it out.
• Second, there is magic in replacing the phrase "Let me know if you need help" to "I'll plan to...".  Most of us can look around and find opportunities to help.  Independent people like me will almost NEVER ask you for help.
• Third, the words "What else?" gives an opportunity to maybe take a little more off the plate of the person in need.  Usually, those words give an opportunity to take a little more weight off of heavy shoulders.
• Finally, "Are you sure?".  One more opening and opportunity.  Several times I have been able to serve and be served by just making one more attempt.

I am certainly not a perfect example of service.  I have failed on several occasions to do not only what is asked, but what is needed.  I can be better in observing and more importantly, doing.  Today at church, the speaker said that we should not only pray for angels, but pray to be angels.  Thank you to my angels who make my life better by helping me when I don't ask and when I don't even know it.  May we be angels in the lives of others.

No More Have To's

I turn on the movie "Parenthood" those days when there is little else on.  While not completely with my values, it shows the highs and lows of family life.  In one scene, Steve Martin was having a serious conversation about marriage and family with Mary Steenburgen.  But he has to cut the conversation short because he needs to leave and coach his son's little league game.  His wife says "Do you have to go?"  He responds:  "My whole life is Have To's!"

For those of you that are my Facebook friends, I recently posted a video with my oldest nephew from New Year's.  He is running from room to room, thrilled that he was up to see the Ball Drop, wishing everyone a Happy New Year.

Nephew #1 has challenges in his life.  But, he has an amazing ability to celebrate the every day.  And he creates events to be excited for.  Not many children or even adults can tell you how many days until the Sochi Olympics or when the upcoming Muppet Movie is coming out (or who is starring in it).  He almost is more excited for the journey to the event than the event itself.

In fairness, in a nine-year-old's life, he doesn't have to think about the details very much.  He doesn't need to cook Christmas dinner, pay the bills, make sure the house is clean for Grandma.  But he has an infectious way of reminding you that the event is the most important thing - not whether or not we bought the right kind of sausage for Christmas breakfast.

I think about my approach to life.  My mind immediately goes to the logistics of everything that I HAVE to get done.  Waking up in the morning, I go immediately to what tasks need to be done at work, at home.  A trip becomes checklists, packing lists, trips to the store, etc.  Special events even become "have to's" - I have to go to the reception, baptism, birthday party, even funerals.  Even spiritual tasks become checklist items - I have to say my prayers, write in my journal, read my scriptures, prep my lesson.  

I think about what I "have to do" instead of what all those tasks are for.  I heard a thought the other day that said "The Purpose of the Task is to build relationships".  Am I just doing tasks with no purpose of growing personally, building relationships, creating memories?  Are my spiritual checklists drawing me closer to Christ?  Will I come to the end of my life and find that I accomplished a lot, but missed out on the experiences?  

My resolution for 2014 is to change my view point from "Have to" to "Get To" (or even "Need To").  Get To changes the tasks from a chore to an opportunity.  Most of us are very fortunate to have as many opportunities as we do - choices of what to wear & eat, our health, living in a free country, being a Christian. In comparison to most of the world - being able to go to a grocery store instead of foraging for food is a blessing.  I'm not Pollyanna enough to think that everything we need to accomplish is a blessing (going to the women's doc or DMV is on that list).  But, changing it from Have To to Need To changes it from a task someone is forcing me to do, to a task I need to accomplish to meet a purpose.

It's especially important for me to start this week.  I am hosting 11 people from our international markets.  There are a lot of logistics that need to be coordinated.  I am giving nine different presentations.  And there are so many needs - dietary, transportation, etc.  But, I don't want the week to go by and find that I've spent it with "Have To's" and missed the relationships and the memories.  

I hope at the end of the year, I see my life with a different paradigm.  I want to end the year awaiting the stroke of midnight screaming "Happy 2015" instead of thinking about what I'm going to do the next morning or three weeks later.  May our whole lives be "Get To's".