Surrendering The Girl Card

Personally, despite our efforts to be unique or independent, I think the majority of us like to be categorized in a "group".  One of the most obvious seems to be gender.  TV shows, college majors, libraries, and even playgrounds are dedicated to segregating gender and usually arguing which one is better.


Of course, there are obvious differences in our physical appearance (if you don't know that - you have bigger problems).  And we tend to have emotional differences too - not always, but in general.  Those differences can be good and bad.

But, even in our gender circles, we all differ.  There are some obvious differences I have with women - I don't have kids or a spouse so I don't know what it's like to fight with my husband or go through labor or a sleepless night with crying kids. 


Being unique is awesome - but sometimes when you are in the "club", there are certain bylaws you are kind of expected to live by.  I thought about this week about reasons why I may have to surrender my girl card:


1 - I HATE high heel shoes.  Now, those that know me would probably agree that I hate shoes in general.  However, ironically, I probably have more shoes than most women.  They are the first things I take off when I get home.  I'm occasionally found walking around the office without shoes.  If I'm ever spiritual enough to build my own world, I'd find a way to make things without sharp edges or feet that are indestructible!


A couple of years ago, I went on a "bender" and bought a bunch of high heel shoes.  I have found over time that I hate them all - even my favorite blue pair.  It probably doesn't help that they have to support a lot of extra weight these days and maybe I'm just getting old.  But, I just find that I have pain in either the balls of my feet, my arches, or my heels and I walk like I'm on stilts.  Maybe I'll change my mind one of these days, but not likely.


2 - I think the handbag industry in an example of the Emperor's New Clothes.  I was watching a home shopping channel where they were selling handbags for $250 - $400.  Despite how cute they were, there was absolutely no way I could choke that down.  Several months ago, I was shopping in Hawaii in an expensive handbag store.  They wanted $250 for a WALLET!!! 


This is an industry that has continued to climb in price - the same bags you could get 3 years ago for $60 are more than double.  When you see handbags that are the same price as a car - in a bag where you can spill a bottle of lotion, need to purchase a separate wallet and still misplace your car keys - there is something seriously wrong!


3 - I just don't like newborn babies.  I love the idea of babies.  I know in my mind that they are straight from heaven.  But, babies weigh less than my purse...and if I drop my purse, there is no permanent damage. 


Not all newborns are cute (aka Seinfeld episode with the breathtaking baby).  I remember a friend in college saying that her niece wasn't cute and getting a lot of looks.  Wish I could have that conversation with her today.

And finally, newborns and even up to toddlers make me nervous because I don't know what a cry means - is she tired, thirsty, needs a diaper change, wants a pizza?  When the child can point (or even speak) to what she wants, then we will be good friends!

4 - Not a fan of jewelry.  I got my ears pierced when I was 16 and they probably closed up a year later.  I can't even decide what pants and shirt to put on in the morning - it's a lot of pressure to have to choose necklaces, earrings, and bracelets.  I really try to embrace the concept - we have jewelry sales at work once a year and I usually buy something with the intention of starting up again.  But it usually goes in the pile with the other items.  (I do, however, like scarves...)

And don't get me started on the price.  I can understand precious metals - but some of it is just junk and when the fake and real ones start to look alike...

5 - I like sports.  This may get me kicked out faster than any of the others.  I am one of the rare girls that can talk about sporting events.  I can't say I'm a diehard fan of all the events.  But, I can probably tell you which teams are in the playoffs, major sporting headlines, and can recall some of the major games.

On the plus side, this gets me at least a temporary "man" card.  I've been able to carry on a decent conversation with a group of men because I'm knowledgeable on this topic.

6 - Girls nights are stressful for me.  I like the concept of a girl's night out.  It's usually dinner or a treat - sometimes it's games, sometimes it's shopping.  I think it's great to get women together to bond, make friends and sustain friendships.  But, getting to Girls Night Out is extremely hard for me.  I'm not even a fan of Visiting Teaching or RS Meetings (Homemaking, or whatever the heck it's called these days). 

It's probably in large part due to the fact that I don't have kids or a spouse.  Women generally don't exclude me from the conversation because these are missing from my life (or at least intentionally).  But over time, I start to feel like I have to stretch to find commonality - again, this is my problem, not the women I'm with!  I know I need to stretch myself, but it's just hard.

People who know me could probably add ten more items to the list.  Hopefully, we can all just accept each other for who we are and not what we are not. 

March Madness and the Gift of the Atonement

It's the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament!  That may not mean a lot to many of you.  But, hang in there and I will make a point.

For me, it's a magical time.  It's a time where non-sport enthusiasts fill out a bracket by mascot, color or even coin flip and be the top of the office pool by the end of the second day.  It's co-workers gathering in offices, discussing the teams like pro commentators, and even trash talking in a fun way. 

It's watching the David teams like Mercer and Dayton take down a Goliath like Duke or Syracuse.  It's watching a team that barely qualifies and has to go to a play-in game be a Sweet 16 contender when a favorite goes home in the second round.  There are those unbelievable three-pointers and that freshman that hasn't done a thing all year who suddenly puts in 25 points.

This year, Warren Buffet, the famous financier, offered $1 billion dollars for a perfect bracket - choosing the winner of all 63 games.  I think I was out by the third game.  By the end of the first day, there were 18,000 perfect brackets left.  When Duke lost, that number lowered to 58.  By the game 21, even the best at the game (or the best guessers) had spoiled their unblemished brackets.

It turns out that the odds of getting a perfect bracket are between 1 in 174 million (if you are REALLY a basketball guru) and 9.5 quintillion (http://www.policymic.com/articles/85401/mathematicians-have-determined-your-odds-of-picking-the-perfect-ncaa-bracket).  Think about it - that's the odds to get 63 games right.  No one has ever done it in the 100+ years of tracking! 

Now, let's apply this to life.  Honestly, how many decisions do we make every single day?  Starting with hitting the snooze button or waking up early; blue or grey pants; sandwich or soup; long or short commute; say something or let her walk out of here with the lettuce on her teeth; paper or plastic; vanilla or chocolate.

We know we make more than 63 decisions in a given day - how many of these will we get wrong?  It's actually frightening to think about.  We've gone to lunch and looked at the other person's plate wishing we had gotten what they did.  We regret using our time one way when we should have done another.  We even wish we had stayed in our lane during a traffic jam instead of moving over.  We say something negative about a slow waitress instead of saying something kind.  We probably have less than a 9.5 quintillion chance of getting every decision right.  And we start over every single day.

Most of our decisions aren't major to the outcome of our lives.  The color of your tie probably isn't critical.  But, some decisions - whether of commission or omission - can change the course.  And, eventually, making the same bad decisions over and over may change things like our spiritual, physical, mental or emotional health.  For example, not brushing your teeth tonight isn't a big deal.  But not brushing every day could put your dental health a risk.

Complicate this even further - doing the right thing should be done with the right intent.  I can be kind to my neighbor, but if I expect something for that kindness, it's not genuine.

My nephew is getting baptized next week.  I think about how he'll be pure and clean on that day, in that moment.  But, eventually, just like the rest of us, he'll yell at his sister, use a word he shouldn't, forget to read his scriptures one night.  Suddenly, that perfection is gone. 

We've been learning in Primary the song "I Stand All Amazed".  It talks about the life, atonement, crucifixion and resurrection of Christ and how it was all done for each of us individually.  It's a beautiful song with amazing words. 

I can't try to explain the Atonement in words because I can't.  I don't understand and I'll never understand how one person could take on all the pain and suffering.  Things that I think are too hard for me to get through the day - He took it on times every person who ever lived on the earth.  Events that you see or read about that are too painful to watch for one minute - He took it all on. 

I tend to think of the Atonement as a gift to be used for my "big" mistakes.  But, if I undoubtedly make daily mistakes (and I'm sure I've made 9.2 quintillion in my life!), utilizing the Atonement every day is vital to correcting my mistakes.  The Atonement and my relationship with Christ can help me to course correct when I make small mistakes to ensure that I don't put myself at risk against danger.  It helps me get my actions and my motives right. 

I know I need to use and more importantly, appreciate the Atonement in my life.  I know I can't be perfect on my own.  I will never win the billion dollars with a perfect bracket, but know that with the Lord's help, I can find a more important perfection someday.  And that gift, my friends is priceless...

The David Edsen Project - Join Me!

Valentine's Day is coming up.  I don't hate the holiday, but it's not one of my favorites.

It's hard on a single person.  (I realize not all of those with partners love this day either.)  The day is filled with reminders that YOU DO NOT HAVE ANYONE in your life.  The romantic dinners, the hearts, the special tokens - all of it seems to be billboards to remind you of your relationship (or lack of relationship) status. 

But, I've learned that Valentine's Day, like other holidays, is not all about us.  It's not about receiving roses or balloons.  It's not the sappy cards or stuffed animals.  It's a day to celebrate love. The best Valentine's Days I have had have been focused on others.  It's the year that I took balloons and candy to the grade school, junior high and high school for my youth group.  It's the time I put fun surprises together for my nieces and nephews.  When I remember the holiday is for expressing love, it changes how I feel about it.

Maybe one reason I dislike Valentine's Day is that it takes me back to a bad experience from 5th Grade.  If I remember right, all the kids in my primary class happen to be in that class so my social life was good.  The class had the usual groups of friends on the playground and in the lunch room.  

Valentine's Day was just a few days away.  The right side of the room, next to our book bags and coats, were the pink and red decorated shoe boxes, destined to become mailboxes.  The boxes that once held sneakers and mary janes were now waiting to be filled with possibilities.  Would I get a valentine from that cute boy?  Would the cool girls give me a treat?  I remember being home organizing my box of valentines, strategically deciding who would get the "special" ones and which ones would be for those that weren't exactly my close friends.  

Mrs Griffin, our teacher, asked David to run to the principal's office to do an errand.  She had all of us stop what we were doing.  She told us that she was ashamed of us.  That's a lot for a teacher to say.  She told us that David had stayed after school the day before to put valentines in the mailboxes.  When he opened his box, there was nothing inside.  She saw the look on his face.

David Edsen (I am embarrassed that I'm not sure if this is the spelling).  He was different.  He wasn't LDS (that I was aware of).  He dressed a little differently, didn't always keep his hair combed.  He was a little slower than the others.  I remember that we had an unwelcomed substitute named Mrs. Hammer.  We called her Mrs. Hammerhead behind her back.  One day, when she was eaching, David raised his hand and said "Mrs. Hammerhead, Mrs. Hammerhead..."  We all just dropped our heads in embarrassment.

In today's world, David would probably have been put in a different class.  He also would have been a poster child for kids being bullied and probably would have been much protected.  He probably got called a lot of names.  He was the butt of a lot of jokes.  I'm sure he got beat up from time to time.  I know that school wasn't somewhere he felt acceptance.

I don't remember ever being unkind, but I sure didn't stand up for him. At 10, I was more worried about fitting in and being popular than I was about being a disciple of Christ.  I'm embarrassed that I sat in church singing and talking about choosing the right and couldn't demonstrate that by simply being kind to someone in my class.

Of course, Mrs. Griffin had observed everyone's behavior throughout the year.  And this was probably the time she could finally speak up.  I don't remember much of what was said, but I still remember how I felt and the tears rolling down my cheek - 34 years later and I still cry when I think about those few minutes.  I was only relieved that I had not yet brought in my valentines.  I made sure that I got a special valentine for David that year.

I would like to think that things changed for David after that, but I'm not it did.  He moved away after that year - probably in part due to the way he was treated at school.  I never heard from him or about him again.  Every time I think about it, I wish I could change the past.  It's a dagger in my heart that seems to resurrect itself around this time every year. I read something on Facebook that describes my feelings perfectly:

• Grab a plate and throw it on the ground
• Okay, done.
• Did it break?
• Yes
• Now, say sorry to it
• Sorry
• Did it go back to the way it was before?
• No
• Do you understand?

I can't even say I'm sorry in person.  So, while I can't fix the broken plate or the broken heart and spirit of an old classmate, maybe I can try something else - to take a bad situation and try to do some good with The David Edsen project.  During this Valentine's season, I'm going to challenge myself and all of you to find a David Edsen - those who feel unloved.  Let them know that during this time the world celebrates love, there are people who care about them. 

Find someone in your circle of friends who will be alone this Valentine's Day and take them to dinner.  Give a plate of cookies to someone in your church circle who needs a friend.  Find that person at work or at school who seems to be alone a lot and sit with them during lunch.  That neighbor that you've been distant from - send a card.  Go to a retirement home and talk to the people - let them know there is still love around.  Give flowers to strangers.

If you feel inclined, please share this with others so we can spread the good.  For those that take the challenge, please let me know what you did and how you felt.  While I can't fix what happened, I can try to move forward and hope that maybe I can influence someone else.  Maybe it will reach him or someone he cares about...someday.  

Taking Offense versus Keeping It

Before I start this story, I want you to know that I adore our bishop.  He is a man that really cares about the people in his flock.  Because of that, at times, he can do things a little unorthodox.  It's really in the spirit that he believes that we should celebrate more in the church.  He would give a token/certificate and public praise for every accomplishment, if he could.

A few Sundays ago, we had a confirmation of a new member during Sacrament Meeting.  When it was done, he went to the pulpit to officially welcome her into the ward.  He then asked for all those that could welcome her into the ward to raise their right hand.  Then out of habit, he said "If there are any opposed, please raise your hand."  (For those of you not LDS, when we call people to positions, we ask for a sustaining vote and then given an opportunity to oppose - most people do not oppose.)  

The man behind me said what I was thinking "Not sure if you can really 'oppose' welcoming someone new".  I turned around and said "No, you just go ahead and be rude to them, right?"  :-)

Of course, as members of a congregation, neighborhood, community or a family, we should never oppose welcoming someone new or being cordial to someone we know.  But, we've likely all done it.  And, conversely, we have all easily be the recipient of someone "opposing" to be kind in small and large ways - wittingly or unwittingly.

This last week, I was reading a blog that I found interesting.  The blog talked about how to not be offended by members of the church who profess to believe the same attibutes of kindness, love & charity.  The information was good, but as usual, I struggled with some of the content - particularly by the comments.  Some wrote that being offended was something that was our fault.  I will have to respectfully disagree to a point.

By saying that being offended is our own fault, it means that the other person holds no responsibility for what is said or done.  That attitude means that people can go around doing whatever they want, because if you don't like it, it's your problem.  What someone else says or does (or doesn't do) certainly has an impact on each of us.  

Those that have a stewardship over others have an even greater responsibility not to offend.  Recently, someone I care about had a terrible experience with person in a leadership position.  My friend felt as if their opinions and even things they had put great care into were dismissed.  This person was questioned on their loyalty and never really ever thanked for their efforts.  And this persso on was released from their service with very little care or kindness - almost in a mocking way.

Every one of us probably have a similar story.  The scriptures talk about being accountable for our stewardship.  Again, if people fall away as a result of being treated poorly, how is the ownership all on them? The person who didn't fulfill their assignment or said or did something offensive has to have some responsibility.

Each Sunday, I teach a group of seven/eight year olds.  We talk about gospel principles like faith, baptism, repentance, etc.  As part of the conversation, we nearly always talk about choosing the right by following the example of Christ.  Nearly, every week, we talk about what we need to do to follow the Savior.  "Be kind" is a common answer.  So, if others do not follow the Savior, why is it my fault if I feel bad about something someone else says or does?  

When we or those we love are treated unkindly, we take offense.  When comments are made that goes against our very nature, we take offense.  When someone steps aside and watches an injustice without stepping in, we take offense.  Even the D&C talks about offending God.  So, I believe taking offense is natural and expected.

But, on the flip side:  What we DO with that offense is another issue.  We can choose how long to keep that offense.  Steven Covey talks about how humans have the ability to think between stimulus and response.  We can control our short and long term reactions.  We don't have to get upset whenever someone says something offensive.  It's a good attribute to think before we act.

I do believe there are times we have a right and obligation to stand up for ourselves and others when there is offensive behavior.  We don't have to be angry, but we can find a way to chastise and then return with kindness.

For some behavior, the hurt is real and it's strong.  It's a knife in our hearts, every time we see the person or hear their names.  The words and actions (or inactions) wake us up in the middle of the night; occupies our thoughts at inopportune times.  It can linger for a long time, despite our best efforts. But, to be truly happy, we have to find a way to eliminate these feelings from our lives.  

One thing to note is that we can not only are offended, but we can also be offenders.  We likely caused this kind of hurt to someone else - knowingly or not.  I know I will be accountable for many things I have done or have not done in church callings, as a Christian, and just as a human being.  

The only way to stop us from keeping offenses or repenting for ours is the Atonement.  One great lesson I learned in my life was that the Savior atoned for the entire sin.  This means He took on the pain not only of the sinner, but of those that were sinned upon.  We don't have to keep our offenses - the Savior already paid the price.  He took on the pain and suffering so that we don't have to take it.  

Certainly, this isn't always easy for us to do.  I know I still have hurts from years ago that I'm still trying to work through.  And, I have things which I do every day that probably offend others.  But, the Atonement available to each of us so we can focus our lives more on the Savior and His teachings instead of the hurt.

So, we can certainly take offense - but it's our job not to keep it around for very long.  It's the only way we can truly be happy.

Judge Not Unrighteously

Sometimes it's just hard to be a Mormon...
Sometimes it's just hard to be a woman...
Sometimes it's just hard to be a Mormon woman...

I'm a bit hesitant to write this because it may add fuel to an already growing fire.  But, this has been building for a while so I feel like I need to write it down.

Just before Christmas, I got a Facebook post with a quote from President Monson.  It had a scene with Black Friday shoppers and the quote was his concern with Christ being removed from Christmas.  (Note that the post wasn't from him, the picture wasn't from him - someone who puts the quotes and pictures together.)

As I read the comments, I just got mad.  It starts with chastising anyone who went shopping on Black Friday like they were following the devil.  Next was the comments about how THEY are doing only homemade gifts.  Then, the comments came about how their family doesn't do any gifts for Christmas.  (I was waiting for the comment that they burn all gifts in effigy when they arrive.)  Soon the posts arrive about saying "Happy Holidays" is like a curse word.

It felt so one-upman that I was ready to scream (and I think I did in my car).  I don't think giving gifts or having Santa Claus decorations at Christmas means I am "less spiritual" than anyone else.  I somehow don't think President Monson is tossing out the presents under his tree.  I have Jewish friends and I have become more aware of trying to be inclusive.  So does saying "Happy Holidays" mean I love the Savior any less?

Last week, LDS Living posted about four LDS NFL football players who could be in the Super Bowl.  Within minutes the posts came:  "Why are we celebrating people who play sports on the Sabbath?"  "I don't KNOW any NFL players because WE don't watch on Sundays."  Again, the heat came into my cheeks about this. 

I heard Steve Young talk once about his decision to not go on a mission.  This decision came as a result of prayer and two separate priesthood blessings.  I expect that many of the professional players that are not only LDS but other faithful Christians have had the same hours of prayer and reflection on what to do.

Of course, I believe we can honor the people like Eric Liddell - an Olympian who chose not to run on Sundays.  And Eli Herring, a BYU player who was offered millions to go into the NFL and decided to not play on the Sabbath.  But, can these others who choose a professional career which requires work on Sundays provide just as good of an example? 

Next - the woman issue.  I read a blog today from a man who was defending a previous blog.  He had previous written about how proud he was that his wife was a stay-at-home mom.  Another blogger wrote about how demeaning this was.  He responded back.  I didn't have many issues with his words - although it didn't really address those who had to work even though they didn't want to.

But as you read the comments, the continuous debate of "who loves their children more" pops up.  And it's frustrating - stay-at-home moms that do nothing with their kids may spend less time than the working-out-of-the-home mom who devotes every spare minute to them.  Some women may be better mothers by being away from home than by being with their children all day.

I tread lightly here.  I love and honor those of you that are stay-at-home moms or stay-at-home dads.  You have the toughest jobs in the world and receive very little praise and recognition.  And the work you do is honorable.  And those men and women that have to work outside the home that want to be home - I can feel your struggles, even if I don't understand them completely.  And for those of you that choose to work outside the home - it's not my place to question your decision.

Finally, the Mormon Woman.  A group put together a list of the "100 Coolest Mormon Women Alive Today".  Of course, the comments come with the usual banter of who should and shouldn't have made the list.  

I got hot about a comment from a woman who said that any success not related to raising children was secondary.  Well, as someone that doesn't have children - I took offense to that.  I never feel worse about not being married and having children than when a bunch of Relief Society "sisters" point out to me that I am not fulfilling my "highest calling". 

I just got an email this week from a former young woman who I only taught for a short time.  (My non-Mormon friends - this is a group of teens from 12 - 18.)  She told me that she cherished a girls' camp experience where I taught her that it was important to just be herself.  It was years ago - I don't even remember the event she was talking about.  But, when I think about that and what that woman said - did my time serving in church really not having meaning or purpose?

The matching thread to all of this:  We are not better or worse than others because of life circumstances or even life decisions.  And we would all be better off if we would cherish our differences instead of justify why ours is better.

In the Mormon verse of scripture, Doctrine & Covenants section 46 verse 26 says:  And all these ^agifts come from God, for the benefit of the ^bchildren of God.  If anyone is using their gifts to benefit the children of God, they should be celebrated.

Of course, not all of our choices are good ones.  It's what the Holy Ghost or our conscience is there for - if we aren't at peace with our decisions, we probably didn't make the right ones.  But, the only people that have a right to comment are those affected and our Heavenly Father.  If we are at peace with those, we are doing the right thing.

And the rest of us need to back off!

Helping an Independent Dependent

This week, our company hosted eleven employees from various countries for an inaugural International Operations Conference.  It was something we've tried to put together for over a year so we were very excited to get the approval in November.  We quickly put together the schedule, transportation, etc.  It involved basically four days of meetings, an offsite to Jackson Hole for sledding and shopping, and a day of individual trainings.  The meetings went very well and I think we accomplished most of the goals.

To accomplish something of this size, you need some help.  Asking for help is not an easy thing for me.  One of my challenges at work is that people don't think I do a good job of delegating.  I watch myself say "Nothing" when people ask what they can do and I'm so stressed that I can't see straight.  Then, ironically, I can get upset when I have to do it all myself :-).

I have wondered why it's so hard to ask for help.  I usually don't get bent out of shape when others ask me for help.  I don't think it's necessary a conscious thing.  I don't expect that people will fail me or will do a poor job.  It might be that I hate bothering others with my problems or concerns.  It's also likely that I feel like it's easier to do it myself than trying to explain exactly how I want it (or that I do such a poor job of explaining what I want...).  Also, I'm a very last minute person so popping things on others the last minute isn't exactly cool.

Any way I try to rationalize it - I'm not good at receiving service.  I realize that it's a skill I need to learn.  I can't improve things or get promoted at work if I try to do everything.  I can't learn from others if I don't use their skills.  I can't be a friend if people don't feel like they can help from time to time.  It's probably something the Lord will teach me in an uncomfortable way.

This week, I learned that there are people I can count on and people I can't.  It's both disappointing and inspiring.  You realize you have people that are dependable and love you.  You get to see the Lord's hand in your life through earthly angels.

So, how do you help someone who wants to be independent, but needs help?  On my long drives, I've determined there are different types of people:

1. People who refuse to help - they just say no.
2. People who will tell you they'll help, but then not fulfill the assignment.
3. People who will help you, but do it in their own way which may or may not help.
4. People who do exactly what you ask.
5. People who go above what you ask.
6. People who help you when you didn't know you needed help.

In truth, I'll take #1 over #2 any day of the week.  Sometimes, people just aren't able to help with a busy schedule - I get it and I've been there.  But, when it's hard to ask in the first place, being let down is worse than being told no as you lose faith in people.

We've all had the challenges of #3 - we ask for orange jello mold, but they bring a cherry jello mold.  It might be okay, but if it's for a Blue & Gold Banquet, it doesn't really fit in with the theme.  Often, it can be the result of not communicating the information, but sometimes it's just others doing service at their own convenience.

I appreciate people that are #4 because the assignment is filled.  You got what you needed.

But, the best people in the world are those that can be #5 or #6.  I have a great example in my friend Mari, my neighbors Marilyn & Shirley and especially my mom.  They are women who will call and let you know that they are bringing dinner on Tuesday because you are having a hard week.  They show up on your doorstep with flowers on a bad day.  

So, how do you help people like me?

• First, there are normally tasks that can be done that are common sense and doesn't need a formal invitation.  I'm in admiration of people who start putting away chairs at a ward party even if the elders are in charge; the grandma who pulls a coloring book out of her bag to help a difficult child; bringing a cold drink when sweat is pouring down your face.  It's so much easier when you don't have to tell people exactly what needs to be done, but they can figure it out.
• Second, there is magic in replacing the phrase "Let me know if you need help" to "I'll plan to...".  Most of us can look around and find opportunities to help.  Independent people like me will almost NEVER ask you for help.
• Third, the words "What else?" gives an opportunity to maybe take a little more off the plate of the person in need.  Usually, those words give an opportunity to take a little more weight off of heavy shoulders.
• Finally, "Are you sure?".  One more opening and opportunity.  Several times I have been able to serve and be served by just making one more attempt.

I am certainly not a perfect example of service.  I have failed on several occasions to do not only what is asked, but what is needed.  I can be better in observing and more importantly, doing.  Today at church, the speaker said that we should not only pray for angels, but pray to be angels.  Thank you to my angels who make my life better by helping me when I don't ask and when I don't even know it.  May we be angels in the lives of others.

No More Have To's

I turn on the movie "Parenthood" those days when there is little else on.  While not completely with my values, it shows the highs and lows of family life.  In one scene, Steve Martin was having a serious conversation about marriage and family with Mary Steenburgen.  But he has to cut the conversation short because he needs to leave and coach his son's little league game.  His wife says "Do you have to go?"  He responds:  "My whole life is Have To's!"

For those of you that are my Facebook friends, I recently posted a video with my oldest nephew from New Year's.  He is running from room to room, thrilled that he was up to see the Ball Drop, wishing everyone a Happy New Year.

Nephew #1 has challenges in his life.  But, he has an amazing ability to celebrate the every day.  And he creates events to be excited for.  Not many children or even adults can tell you how many days until the Sochi Olympics or when the upcoming Muppet Movie is coming out (or who is starring in it).  He almost is more excited for the journey to the event than the event itself.

In fairness, in a nine-year-old's life, he doesn't have to think about the details very much.  He doesn't need to cook Christmas dinner, pay the bills, make sure the house is clean for Grandma.  But he has an infectious way of reminding you that the event is the most important thing - not whether or not we bought the right kind of sausage for Christmas breakfast.

I think about my approach to life.  My mind immediately goes to the logistics of everything that I HAVE to get done.  Waking up in the morning, I go immediately to what tasks need to be done at work, at home.  A trip becomes checklists, packing lists, trips to the store, etc.  Special events even become "have to's" - I have to go to the reception, baptism, birthday party, even funerals.  Even spiritual tasks become checklist items - I have to say my prayers, write in my journal, read my scriptures, prep my lesson.  

I think about what I "have to do" instead of what all those tasks are for.  I heard a thought the other day that said "The Purpose of the Task is to build relationships".  Am I just doing tasks with no purpose of growing personally, building relationships, creating memories?  Are my spiritual checklists drawing me closer to Christ?  Will I come to the end of my life and find that I accomplished a lot, but missed out on the experiences?  

My resolution for 2014 is to change my view point from "Have to" to "Get To" (or even "Need To").  Get To changes the tasks from a chore to an opportunity.  Most of us are very fortunate to have as many opportunities as we do - choices of what to wear & eat, our health, living in a free country, being a Christian. In comparison to most of the world - being able to go to a grocery store instead of foraging for food is a blessing.  I'm not Pollyanna enough to think that everything we need to accomplish is a blessing (going to the women's doc or DMV is on that list).  But, changing it from Have To to Need To changes it from a task someone is forcing me to do, to a task I need to accomplish to meet a purpose.

It's especially important for me to start this week.  I am hosting 11 people from our international markets.  There are a lot of logistics that need to be coordinated.  I am giving nine different presentations.  And there are so many needs - dietary, transportation, etc.  But, I don't want the week to go by and find that I've spent it with "Have To's" and missed the relationships and the memories.  

I hope at the end of the year, I see my life with a different paradigm.  I want to end the year awaiting the stroke of midnight screaming "Happy 2015" instead of thinking about what I'm going to do the next morning or three weeks later.  May our whole lives be "Get To's".

What's in A Title

On Friday, I had a conversation with the VP of our department.  Lately, I've had the "do we get married or stop dating?" thoughts about my career with my current company.  (Bad analogy, I know.)  One of my concerns is where I am on the corporate ladder.  I've never had delusions of grandeur that I would be a VP or something like that, but, I figured by this point in my life, I'd be higher up than I am.

The VP had an interesting comment.  He said "Don't judge your career by your title.  You could have a career filled with contribution and never have the title to go with it."

Fast forward to Sunday.  For those that following me on Facebook, the last two years, I've taught the four year olds.  This past year was riddled with unique experiences:

• My first week, one of the boys threatened to punch me in the nose.  
• Sundays filled with answers like "Who is this in the picture baptizing Jesus?" "Jesus's friend".  
• Keeping my eyes open during prayer to break up both spitting on pants and kissing.  
• Saying "Stop moving your chairs" for the 800th time.  
• Doubling in size (from four to eight children) in a few short months (four was already tough)
• Being told I had REALLY bad breath...
• Meltdowns from everyone in the class - including me.  

So how do the two relate?  Because most four year olds can't remember adult names, my kids called me "Teacher".  

Teacher - here is a title that often is belittled.  Maybe because it seems so common - between church and school and activities, we seem to have so many of them around.  The fiscal value of teachers is often a source of debate in politics.  Even in the Mormon religion, it's common to hear "I'm just a teacher".  

But teachers are vital in our lives.  So many of us are where we are because of a teacher - whether it was in school, at church, or someone who taught you a great skill.  One of the titles of the Savior was "Teacher".  

And all who teach likely become the greatest student of all.  So what has this "Teacher" learned this year?

• Patience - LOTS of it!
• There is not much sweeter than hearing my class finally sing a song (they do not like to sing)
• They pay more attention than you realize (one of the biggest thrills was hearing parents tell me that their child repeated a story I told them)
• There is a contagious excitement about "little things" like earning a prize or having something brought to their house.
• When I looked deep into their sweet eyes, I knew I was where I needed to be - even when it was hard.  
• I also knew Heavenly Father loves them, even when they play with their ties or hair ribbons constantly.

This year, I have been called to teach the seven year olds (turning eight).  I'm excited for the opportunity to teach kids that can read, know the words to songs, and can keep in their seats for more than three minutes.  I'll be teaching kids the same ages has my niece and nephew which gives me a unique insight.  It's a huge responsibility as they are just getting ready to be baptized.

But I'll miss being called "Teacher" every Sunday.  It's a title that I do hope matches the contribution I tried to make and will continue to try to make as a Teacher.

Those Who Can't - Steal

Those who know me know that I'm not one to beat my own drum.

They also know that I'm not very crafty.  In fact, I went to a scrapbooking conference a few years ago, sitting at a table doing a page.  The teacher walked by and said "Are you happy with that?"  Well, I was until she said that.

Okay, to set up the story:  My oldest niece turned 12 recently and I wanted to do something special for her to celebrate this transition.  For a long time I have searched for a Project Life scrapbook focused on LDS Young Women with no luck.  For those of you that are not familiar with the LDS church programs, the Young Women's Program is a program for teens/tweens from 12 to 18 years old.  The program uses Sunday lessons, weekly activities, and a goal-setting program to help them develop into polished, accomplished, well-rounded, spiritually minded women.  They focus on values such as faith, knowledge, good works, and virtue.

One day, I had an epiphany.  I realized that with a bit of work I could use what was I could find out there to meet my own needs.  Despite what I can't do, I have learned that I can steal from the best - to find the good work of others and modify them for my own needs.

I found a site that gave free quote cards that accomplished each of the values done by an amazing designer, Colette Bomsta from My Computer Is My Canvas.  The cards were 4 x 6, designed for an inexpensive photo album.  I thought with my very limited Photoshop skills that I could modify the cards to create a "title" card then use the quote cards for the 3 x 4 slots.  I even got creative enough to "erase" the middle and create blank cards to use to write information.

This set had a title page for the theme.  But I wanted to add a picture of the medallion (that she can receive if she finishes the goal setting program) and a picture of the logo.  I used a second set from the same designer to pull out frames that I could use.

Finally, I wanted to create a section where I could have her take pictures of her classes each year (girls spend two years in each class).  I was able to pull from one of my FAVORITE sites - sugardoodle.net and again use my limited Photoshop skills to crop and paste a title card for each of the classes.  I then used another site - The Idea Door - to pull the background for the mission statements.

While I can certainly see the flaws in what I have done, I have to admit that I'm pretty happy with the results.  It's a labor of love and something that I hope she uses.  Even if she doesn't, this project was a testimony to me of a talent that I have been given from a loving Heavenly Father that I can use to bless the lives of others.  I wish I could create fabulous scrapbook pages or know how to put two different patterns together to make a beautiful design.  I am grateful to those that can.  But I can find a way to take your talents, modify them, and make them my own.

Project Life Album
http://www.amazon.com/Project-Life-Mini-Album-Ivory/dp/B00CICSS2U/ref=sr_1_11?s=arts-crafts&ie=UTF8&qid=1385350447&sr=1-11&keywords=mini+album+becky+higgins

Medallion
http://www.ldschurchnews.com/articles/58379/Fostering-spiritual-growth-among-Latter-day-Saint-young-women.html

Young Women Torch
http://vector-magz.com/clip-art-2/young-women-clipart-item-1/

Medallion and Young Women Torch Background
http://mycomputerismycanvas.blogspot.com/2011/09/freebie-lds-yw-value-centerpieces.html

Beehive, MiaMaid, Laurel Title Cards
http://www.sugardoodle.net/joomla/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4899&Itemid=200004

Mission Statement Background
http://www.theideadoorfiles.com/index.php/81-young-women/printables/2000-yw-value-quote-4-x-6-booklet

Font - Papyrus

Quotes, Intro Page (Theme), Value Theme Cards
http://mycomputerismycanvas.blogspot.com/2010/11/new-quote-album-for-ldsyw.html

Blank cards!

My Back-to-School Prayer

It's back to school time.  I can't help myself but pick up some new markers, a pencil box - I've stopped with the notebooks as I have so many.  Autumn seems more "new year" than "New Year's" - it's a time I tend to recommit, refresh, think about new adventures.

Five of the seven nieces and nephews are already back to school this week.  One starts middle school (ugh) and the other four are in various grades in elementary.  The two toddlers are home I'm sure loving the extra time and attention.

It's days like these that I wish I were just a short drive away to be able to see them go and watch them come home with all the excitement a new school year brings.  The new kids, the changes to the school, how the new teacher is...all the brushstrokes that help paint what the new year is going to look like.  Each subsequent day adds joys and frustrations until another year is gone with new memories and lessons learned.

I hope they know that even though I'm far away, I do think of them and more importantly pray for them.  I pray for their success.  I pray they won't have problems and if they do have problems, I pray they can endure and be made stronger.  I pray they can find and keep good friends.  I pray for their physical and spiritual well being. 

One of my favorite scriptures is from Luke 2:52.  It's the only scripture that really talks about Christ from the time he was a young boy in the temple until He began His ministry.  In one succinct verse, we can find the foundation for our lives.

 

And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.

My sweet nieces and nephews - here is my prayer for each of you using these same four principles:


Lord, please help them to continuously increase in wisdom

• Study hard and well - school is your job. If you do your job well today, you'll likely ensure a better job when you are actually paid.
• Learn not just for today, but in a way that you'll remember things in the future.
• Grades are important as excellence can give you opportunities, but grades are based on a measurement that is sometimes unfair.  Do your very best - that's all we can ask.
• But, with all that - wisdom means stopping once in a while for re-creation.  So take time to have fun.  You'll likely not remember what you studied for the test, but will remember a special night with friends.
• Learn from others - both good and bad.  Sometimes the best lessons you can learn is by watching how NOT to do something.  
• Listen to your elders.  They are smarter than they look (especially me)! 
• Try new things whenever you have an opportunity - sports, art, music, food.  You probably won't be very good or love everything, but trying it you'll know what you love, what you appreciate that someone else can do well (even if you can't), and know what you just don't like.  Being well-rounded is becoming less of a skill in a world that is expecting you to specialize at 12 years old.
• Keep a scrapbook and write things down - the shortest pencil is better than the best memory.
• Wisdom and knowledge are different things.  Wisdom is how you apply that knowledge to your life.  Knowing something and living the something make all the difference in your character.

Lord, please bless them that they will increase in stature (but not too quickly, they are still my babies...)

• Your body is truly a temple.  You wouldn't pollute the inside or outside of the temple with junk - the same applies to your body.
• It's important to get enough sleep, eat right and get exercise (that goes for me too).  Not so you can look good, but so that you can feel good and never limit yourself in what you are able to do.
• Learn the rules of sports and even try to play a few of them.  One of my greatest gifts in maneuvering the male-dominated business world is that I understand most sports and can have a conversation with a group of guys about it. 
• Don't grow up too fast - once you start wearing makeup, press your jeans, spend hours on your hair - you can't go back and the maintenance stinks.
• What you wear really is important - but not in the "I need $150 pair of jeans to look good" kind of way.  You are judged by how you are dressed.  So always dress appropriately for the occasion and dress your body respectfully.
• Use sunscreen - seriously - use sunscreen.  I don't want any of you getting cancer when you could have avoided it with a five minute process.

Lord, please help them increase in favor with Thee

• I believe like all good parents God is most happy when all of His children are happy.  The greatest lessons you'll ever learn and joys you will ever have probably begin when you helped someone else
• God never moves, but we usually do.  He listens, He loves, He cares - even when we make mistakes.  He's there when you are in a hotel room a thousand miles from home, in a tent in the mountains, in a place you shouldn't be, even in the car driving home from a bad day from work.  Just open your mouth and your heart.
• Despite what people tell you and even the lessons in church, it isn't always easy to choose the right and good things don't always happen when you make the right choice.  You may get an F when the cheaters get the A; if you wait until your sixteen and miss the prom, all the disobedient fifteen year olds won't die like in Carrie.  But God makes up for it in ways you don't realize until much later.
• Take in the gospel messages where you can - the scriptures, church, family home evenings, etc.  It may all honestly start to sound the same - and the messages don't change a whole lot even when you are my age.  But, the times when things are darkest, one of those simple things you learned will ignite the room.
• Sometimes things just don't make sense - but trust that gut or that little voice that has more wisdom than you do.
• There are times God really doesn't care what choice you make when it's not vital to your eternal salvation.  It doesn't mean He doesn't listen or care about you - He just knows you are smart enough to make your own decisions.

Lord, give them the opportunities to increase in favor with men

• You'll likely have very few true friends in life - if you do, treasure those people.  Even the most popular people at school probably have many acquaintances, but only a handful of people they can be fun and honest with.
• Finding good friends and being a good friend are two very important skills.  The second is more important; if you master that, the first will come naturally.
• The most important people to be kind to are usually the hardest - your family.  But they are nearly always the ones that will be there when everyone else is gone.
• Say "Please" and "Thank You" - it goes a long way and is vital even when you are an adult
• Smile at everyone - the scared new kid at school, the angry clerk at the store, the frustrated teacher.  Nearly everyone is hurting from something these days.  A simple smile lets them know the world is still a decent place
• You can become an instant hero by opening doors for people - especially seniors and those with heavy packages in their hands. 
• In this day of anonymous communication, it still hurts when you make fun of someone or use unkind words - even if you don't know who they are.  Be kind even in random chat rooms.
• Listen.  We all have so much to say, but we learn more when we close our mouths.

I love you so much and want you to be the very best children, brothers, sisters, neighbors, friends, cousins, grandchildren, students, nieces and nephews you can be.  Know that your Aunt Heather thinks and prays for you all the time in faraway places at strange times.

Strikes, Softies, and Sermons

My oldest nephew has a passion for electronics.  The kid is a wizard with computers and can find anything he is interested in online.  When he was in preschool, the school was held in a elementary school building.  One day, the school's computer went down during an assembly.  They came to the preschool and took my five-year-old nephew down to fix it!

One challenge with this gift is that he can become nearly obsessed with electronics.  If there are any electronics around, he just isn't able to keep his hands off the device.  Because of this, his parents have to limit the amount of time he spends on them.  And the computer time is used both as a reward and consequence for bad behavior.

When I go to visit him, of course, I normally have my Nook and phone.  If I forget to put passwords or locks on the devices, I oftentimes can find my suitcase and purse ransacked and my nephew in a corner playing on them.  Now, unless he's downloading something I have to pay for, I don't mind so much.  He gets a lot of pleasure doing what he wants.  

However, when he does this without asking, he breaks a house rule - no taking things without asking - and will get a strike.  One strike is usually enough to prevent it from happening again, but three will cause him to lose all computer time for the day.  I respect his parent's rules and know these rules are for his own good.

If I catch him, I usually will scold him a bit and tell him to turn it off because he is going to get a strike.  That's usually enough to stop him.  It may seem a little sneaky to not tell his parents.  But, I'm a softy aunt that hates seeing him in trouble.  If I can make a little course correction quickly and privately, it's usually done.

How many of us are lucky enough to have people in our lives that help us course correct?  Do we have good friends, family members, ward members that can say things in a way that helps us to change what we are doing right now into a way that's better?  Or better yet, helps us to be obedient in the first place?

Just like my nephew's parents rules, our Heavenly Father gives us rules to keep us safe and happy. And, whether we choose to obey or disobey, there is always a consequence - good or bad.  If my nephew obeys, he gets computer time; if he doesn't, no matter how sorry he is, the punishment is fixed.  Our Heavenly Father, in order to be just, must follow the same path.

Unlike the exchange between my nephew and me, we never truly escape from the consequences of our actions.  We may not have an immediate tangible consequence, but we always displease our Heavenly Father when we make mistakes.  But, fortunately, because of the Atonement and the mercy of our Heavenly Father, we are able to repent and move forward.  

I was thinking about the upcoming General Conference- a semiannual gathering of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints where people can receive inspiration and instruction from Church leaders.  At the beginning of the year, I started reading the talks from the last general conference.  Each talk gives insight into areas of my life where I need to make improvements and changes.  

This year, I'm planning to view conference a little differently.  I want to think of general conference as a time where the leaders can pull me aside, like a softy aunt, and remind me that there are areas of my life where I am either doing something where I could "get a strike" if I'm not watchful.  , or worse, letting me know I have strikes from what I'm already doing and find my way back.

I hope all of you will join me - whether or not you are of my faith.  There are many ways to watch or listen. There is something we all can learn from the words of these inspired leaders who speak with love.

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/invite-others?lang=eng

Dear Reality Show Producers...

I'm an admitted fan to reality shows.  I have watched them ever since the early days of The Real World.  Do you remember when this revolutionary show was about putting six truly different people together and watching them try to survive in their environment?   They had to get real jobs (not fake ones where they got a bonus if they showed up - gag), adapt to the culture shock of a big city, and learn from people you wouldn't normally associate with.

I am your core audience.  But, even I am beginning to wane.  You've moved so far from your base concepts that it's hard to remember when you too were interesting like The Real World.

To all of you, here is some words of advice:

1- Do not forget that the shows that get the most audience are FAMILY shows.  When your show neglects to support family values, families stop watching.

So many families have shared good times in front of the television watching amazing performances and cheering on their favorites.  But, the myth of Hollywood is that pushing the envelope will get ratings.  It doesn't work.  Go back to having family values and the families will come back:

Dancing with the Stars - Admittedly, things have improved on this show from the "sexiest night in television" with the Rumba and Samba on the same night (although Bruno needs a muzzle sometimes).  But, I think you probably have money in the budget to buy more fabric for the women's outfits.  And seriously, telling a teenager that she needs to be "more sexy"?  I have an eleven-year-old niece that likes ballroom dancing - she doesn't need to hear that garbage!  The sexualization of our young girls is a huge problem and it's comments like that which contribute to the problem

Amazing Race - love this show, one of my favs.  But last season, you let people that "stole" money have no consequences to their actions - they nearly won $1 million dollars.  What's next - throwing away competitor's passports or slashing taxi tires?  When six year old kids know something is wrong, how can dozens of adult producers not?

2 - Shows stop being "reality" when you producers set up the situations.  Then it just becomes a science experiment looking under a microscope.  And most of us hated science in high school (not me, Mrs. Seydel, but lots of other people...).

I got totally dissolutioned when I watched The Hills where two warring groups of people "ran into" each other at the same restaurant in L.A.  Well, I live in a small town in Idaho.  And, I have people who live in my home town that I only see at class reunions every five or ten years, not at McDonald's every other week.  So, the odds of "enemies" picking the same restaurant on the same day at the same time in Los Angeles?  Right...

Jon & Kate plus Eight - lost me when you went to Disney World.  While the long drive there was on par, once they got to Florida, the Disney people pulled out the red carpet.  The kids went on any ride they wanted, got a huge gift basket and they had their own private everything.  That ain't reality - let's see how the kids do standing in the 40-minute line or walking through the dozens of gift shops with a cornucopia of toys.  That's what REAL parents have to face.  (This goes DOUBLE for the Duggars - trips to NYC or Asia where everything runs like clockwork, all the people are uber-friendly, and no expense is spared!)

Real Housewives - Really?  Who invites your mortal enemy to a party or a once in a lifetime trip to the North Pole?  I wouldn't invite good friends on this kind of adventure because people have kids & responsibilities, it's ridiculously expensive, and more importantly, we'd drive each other nuts.  This show was so much more interesting when you watch the women at their jobs, with their kids, etc.

3 - While people talk about the fighting on your shows at the water cooler, people are really not as interested as you think.  It does work, but it's like taping the broken windshield wipers in a hurricane.

I'll admit that I talk about a show the next day with people that are fans.  We shake our heads at some of the things.  But, after time, you hear the tone "Oh, yeah - she's at it again (yawn)" or "I can't stand that guy - it's getting so old".

The Apprentice - this show used to be about the tasks, not the tempers.  I loved watching the teams try to pull of the impossible and create something amazing from scratch.  Now, nearly half the show is devoted to in-fighting.  It wears on you week after week.  (By the way - HATE that you brought back Omarosa - I don't care if it's an act or not, if it improves ratings or not - no one who represents herself like that should get an audience.)

The Bachelor - STOP casting the "witchy villian" and bring back more "wholesome virgins".  Seriously, we are all smart enough to see that these vixens are purposedly cast to create drama (everyone except for the idiot who actually picked one in the end).  The premise of the show itself is drama - watching love, heartbreak, etc. I don't need to spend time watching some girl who wants a tabloid contract act like a ho, spread venom,  and continue her reign week after week (I'm sure due to coaching producers).

4 - Product Placement should be like ordering fresh lobster at a fancy restaurant - seen and not heard!

The Biggest Loser - these limp-o-mmercials look like a junior high drama class (imagine this exchange slow, with constant looks at a teleprompter, and every other syllable said with a higher pitch):

• "Wow, I, I, I am hun-gry.  (Long pause as he forgets and then quickly remembers to rub stomach) I won-der if there is an-y-thing to eat."
• "Boy, they have been work-ing us hard.  Whew.  (Wipes off invisible sweat) I sure do wish I could have some ap-ple pie."
• "Me too, in-sert name, I mean, Jack.  I could sure use a treat."
• "Where can we find some-thing that is low, low cal-o-rie but tast-y too?"  (Trainer enters with a lame smile, holding product facing the camera.  Extreme closeup of product.)  
• "Hey, have you tried new Ap-ple I-pie?  It is a new phone app that al-lows you to scratch and sniff your fav-or-"I"te fla-vors."  (Everyone hovers over the phone with overly dramatic facial expressions and head nods)
• "Wow, Trai-ner Mike, that smells great."
• "Smells just like ma-ma's kitch-en."
• "Now, let's get back to work.  Eve-ry-one rea-dy to run fif-teen miles?"
• "Great!" (all smile)

Top Chef - same dialogue.  Just change eating to driving and replace the product with a Ford Fissle.

Ugh, it's painful to watch and you see it more and more.  Listen, I worked in marketing for eight years.  I know the importance of getting product noticed.  But, are people really buying diet food and cars because of these Cub Scout melodramas?  Just buy some dang airtime and use some brilliant out-of-work creative people to come up with a real commercial (or the ones who do the Doritos ads for the Super Bowl)!

5 - Talent Shows are about having a talent, not a sob-story.

That sounds harsh.  I have loved some of the heart-warming tales I have seen on these shows.  We all want to root for the underdog.  But, as my dad says "What does being homeless have to do with how you dance?"  I am growing so weary of the phrase "I deserve it because I've worked so hard to get here."  So, the contestant with good parents and friends that practiced every day didn't work just as hard as the guy who needed rehab because he was addicted to Pudding Pops and lost his right pinky finger in a tragic 4H milking accident ?

Even celebrities with all their fame are exploited this way.  We've all cringed in a season where someone keeps staying on a show where they clearly aren't talented to do so (I'd insert something about dumb voting processes - but another day).

And, you can see it's becoming so important that people are actually making up stories just to "move on".  Remember Timothy Poe on America's Got Talent who made up a story about being in a war hero?  I'm now starting to get suspicious of all these people with terrible life histories.

Let the talent be the main story.

6 - Finally, if it ain't broke, DON'T BREAK IT.  And don't spin it off.

American Idol - This was my favorite show.  Now I can't stand to watch it.  The new judges are awful - especially Nicki Minaj. She is completely inappropriate (seriously, bleeping a judge on a family show?)  And, Mariah needs a better tailor as everything is falling out of her clothes.  Focusing on just modern songs or way out there songs is a mistake.  The great part of the show was watching these kids spread their vocal wings and try out classics and different genres.  P.S.  Check out your ratings...

Survivor gets an exception to the "Don't Change" rule.  I would love to sit in the producers room watching them wring their hands like Snidley Whiplash or Boris Badenof coming up with new and sinister ways to shake up the game (if you don't know the references - check out 70's cartoons!).  This show has "survived" (no pun intended) because they are constantly changing the format.  Players are never truly comfortable and never truly out of it.

And, do we really need to watch celebrities learn to kayak, shoe horses, and knit?  Will there be a Housewives of Laramie, Wyoming where they fight over milk prices and county fair pie contests?  Stop already!


I'm sure the suggestions will go on deaf ears, but then again, the voices of hundreds of other channels and Net Flicks are already drowning you out!  Your "reality check" is coming fast.

Dissatisfied -

Heather Rich

Whoa, We're Half-Way There...

A few years ago, I was in a bad spot career-wise.  I had come near to losing my job through a mistake.  The department I worked in was lacking leadership.  We were low on resources and even lower on morale.  The only bright spot was that I was two years from a $20,000 payoff.  It was at that point that I tried to find any way to track the time. 

One of the things I discovered is that today is a special day.  If I retire at 65 (given the state of our economy and national debt, that's a big IF), today represents the half way point of my working career.  It's honestly a little depressing to think that I've only half way done.  At the same time, I'm astounded at how quickly the time has passed.  There are the usual regrets we all have with experience.  But, I'm in awe of everything I have accomplished and become.

I believe I was truly inspired to choose Business.  When I graduated from college, I had spent my life learning how to have a career, but never believing I'd actually have to get a real job.  I always thought I'd be married by the time I graduated from college.  I mentally never prepared to have to work.  I didn't consider any options like graduate school, resumes, or interviews.  I came home and hit a wall - I hadn't thought of any goals beyond schooling since I was five years old.  Thankfully, I had an understanding family.

My mom was working at Melaleuca and offered to get me an interview.  I didn't even know really how to interview.  I remember it didn't go very well. My last interview was with Steve Coggin and I remember telling him that my college education prepared me for all aspects of the business world.  He humbled me when he said that after 25 years in the business world, he certainly couldn't say that. 

Thankfully, he gave me a chance and I started at Melaleuca as the company's first forecaster.  I had a small desk in a small office shared with seven other people.  I remember having to go back to BYU and buy an operations book to reeducated myself on operation terms like MRP, cost accounting, and basic forecasting.

I learned so much that first couple of years from a wonderful boss - Tim Transtrum.  He helped educate me in so many ways.  When he left, I took over his position.  I made so many mistakes as a first time boss.  I wish I could go back and do it over knowing what I know now.  That time in my life was filled with laughs, huge stresses of a company growing beyond it's capacity, and long days and nights.

The time came that I needed to move on to help forward my career.  I moved to be the manager of the collections department.  It required moving buildings - while it was just a few blocks away, it felt like it was half way around the world - new environment, new dress code.  In one short year, I learned that I never ever want to supervise a call center. 

Fortunately, I was able to move on to Finance.  I would consider this time probably my favorite cumulative working years.  We worked very hard, but had so much fun (unless we were stapling papers for SELC - which was more often than we'd like!).  At the time, the finance team had their hands in everything so we were maybe a bit cocky, but we accomplished a lot in that time.  And my favorite Halloweens were spent with that team.

I was asked to move on to a project to launch a new system.  It was supposed to take six months, but lasted nearly three years.  We were a small team of four.  I consider it my attempt at speaking tongues - working as a translator between users and developers needs.

It was finally time to move on and I chose International - the department I still work in today.  I started at first with operations helping with budgets, IT issues, etc.  Then I was asked to be the International Marketing manager.  Marketing is where I always wanted to be so I was thrilled to move on.  I held that job for eight years.  With the growth of the number of markets and number of products, we nearly doubled in responsibilities.  I was involved in many major projects and learned where my strongest skills are.

This last year, I have bounced to two different jobs.  I moved to Regulatory to basically fill a hole needed while we launched Germany and then now to my current position as International Inventory Control Manager - kinda full circle. 

Most people change companies and even careers several times in this time.  While I never expected to be still in Idaho Falls and especially at the same company for this long, you can see I have somewhat of Career ADD.  I've been fortunate to work somewhere that has allowed me to move around a lot to gain a unique skill set.

I only expected to work a couple of years and then maybe back to school or another company.  Even professionally, I hoped to be at a different point than where I am.  But, I guess very few of us have the lives we expected to have.  I have truly been blessed with what I have been able to do, the people I have been able to meet, the places I have been able to go.  I look through photos of friends I'm still in contact with and places I never thought I'd see - like Shanghai or Taipei 101 or the rolling hills of England.

Thank you to those who have mentored me - I learned so much from you.  To those who worked for me, I'm so sorry for all the mistakes I made and hope the good was better than the bad.  For those co-workers who have remained my friends, I appreciate what a blessing you are in my life.

I have spent more time in the walls of Melaleuca than some convicted killers spend in prison.  I have laughed until I've almost cried (even last week).  I have been angry enough to kick through a wall (hey, I even did that once, but I wasn't angry - we were just tearing down the wall and I thought it would be fun).  I have cried so many tears - of anger, embarrassment, frustration, true sadness, and even happiness.

I am a different person than the person who walked in the door 21 years ago.  I certainly have less hair, more greys, deeper wrinkles, and more around the middle.  But, hopefully, I'm better.  I am more outgoing, have a broader view of people and the world, and am more confident.  I can work on the second half of my career to balance kindness and candor, to be kinder to those that can't necessarily advance my career, and to wait before responding.

Here are some key lessons I have learned:

• Having a large rolodex of contacts is more important than what position you hold.
• If your gut tells you not to wear jeans and a T-shirt (even if the dress code allows it), follow it!  That's the day you'll be asked to meet with the CEO.
• Even though women say they want to be treated like the guys, I have an immense amount of respect for men that carry luggage and open doors.
• Learn to say "I don't know, but I'll find out" and "I messed up".  These phrases have gotten me further than most anything else.
• Always bring your own snacks and medicine when you travel internationally.  You won't know which is which when you are at a Korean 7-11 with a sweet tooth and bronchitis.
• Write down your best stories from work.  They are still funny after years of time. 
• You take on the smell of your environment - even if you aren't aware of it.  So, beware if you work anywhere that uses camphor.
• Physical inventories are useless.  But, if you can get a trip to Knoxville's NASCAR park with the rednecks, it's almost worth it.
• Never smell perfume at full strength.  It'll burn your nose hairs.
• If you are the baby of the office, be careful - one day, you will be that "old" person who is shaking their heads when they discover the new guy wasn't even born yet when you started working!
• Kangaroo tastes like beef.
• Women shouldn't cry at work, but if everyone did that more, I think the work environment would be better.
• A clean desk is highly overrated. 
• Take time when you travel to do something fun - even if it's just eating spicy chicken wings so your lips go numb.  You never know if you'll ever be back there again.
• Doing a Brady Bunch dance does not guarantee you'll win the Halloween prize for best group.  But you'll make other people laugh
• You don't have to be friends with co-workers, but it certainly makes the day go much better.
• Take opportunities to work with and meet multiple people.  The guy you play softball with can help you in ways you never realized.
• British food is awful, but their desserts are phenomenal; Asian desserts, on the other hand, are terrible (if you can even find any), but their food is really good if you can handle the spice.
• Send notes to people - they'll remember them longer than even a financial reward.
• If people really want your opinion, give it to them - in a kind way.  It's appreciated when the same thing comes your way.
• Filing was created by Satan.
• If people don't have a job where they are personally missed if they are not there, they will find a way to not show up.
• If you let people know you are annoyed if they pull a practical joke on you, it guarantees they will do it again and again.
• Never ask a blind man for a driver's license.
• Always ask the question "How do other people, companies, departments accomplish this?"  I have found workarounds so many times by not accepting that things are the way they are.
• Finally, at the end of the day, ask yourself:  "Based on what I accomplished today, would I hire me?"

I hope the next half of my career brings me joy, success, and especially the friendships that I have had for the first part of my life.  Thanks for sharing this with me.