It's hard on a single person. (I realize not all of those with partners love this day either.) The day is filled with reminders that YOU DO NOT HAVE ANYONE in your life. The romantic dinners, the hearts, the special tokens - all of it seems to be billboards to remind you of your relationship (or lack of relationship) status.
But, I've learned that Valentine's Day, like other holidays, is not all about us. It's not about receiving roses or balloons. It's not the sappy cards or stuffed animals. It's a day to celebrate love. The best Valentine's Days I have had have been focused on others. It's the year that I took balloons and candy to the grade school, junior high and high school for my youth group. It's the time I put fun surprises together for my nieces and nephews. When I remember the holiday is for expressing love, it changes how I feel about it.
Maybe one reason I dislike Valentine's Day is that it takes me back to a bad experience from 5th Grade. If I remember right, all the kids in my primary class happen to be in that class so my social life was good. The class had the usual groups of friends on the playground and in the lunch room.
Valentine's Day was just a few days away. The right side of the room, next to our book bags and coats, were the pink and red decorated shoe boxes, destined to become mailboxes. The boxes that once held sneakers and mary janes were now waiting to be filled with possibilities. Would I get a valentine from that cute boy? Would the cool girls give me a treat? I remember being home organizing my box of valentines, strategically deciding who would get the "special" ones and which ones would be for those that weren't exactly my close friends.
Mrs Griffin, our teacher, asked David to run to the principal's office to do an errand. She had all of us stop what we were doing. She told us that she was ashamed of us. That's a lot for a teacher to say. She told us that David had stayed after school the day before to put valentines in the mailboxes. When he opened his box, there was nothing inside. She saw the look on his face.
David Edsen (I am embarrassed that I'm not sure if this is the spelling). He was different. He wasn't LDS (that I was aware of). He dressed a little differently, didn't always keep his hair combed. He was a little slower than the others. I remember that we had an unwelcomed substitute named Mrs. Hammer. We called her Mrs. Hammerhead behind her back. One day, when she was eaching, David raised his hand and said "Mrs. Hammerhead, Mrs. Hammerhead..." We all just dropped our heads in embarrassment.
In today's world, David would probably have been put in a different class. He also would have been a poster child for kids being bullied and probably would have been much protected. He probably got called a lot of names. He was the butt of a lot of jokes. I'm sure he got beat up from time to time. I know that school wasn't somewhere he felt acceptance.
I don't remember ever being unkind, but I sure didn't stand up for him. At 10, I was more worried about fitting in and being popular than I was about being a disciple of Christ. I'm embarrassed that I sat in church singing and talking about choosing the right and couldn't demonstrate that by simply being kind to someone in my class.
Of course, Mrs. Griffin had observed everyone's behavior throughout the year. And this was probably the time she could finally speak up. I don't remember much of what was said, but I still remember how I felt and the tears rolling down my cheek - 34 years later and I still cry when I think about those few minutes. I was only relieved that I had not yet brought in my valentines. I made sure that I got a special valentine for David that year.
I would like to think that things changed for David after that, but I'm not it did. He moved away after that year - probably in part due to the way he was treated at school. I never heard from him or about him again. Every time I think about it, I wish I could change the past. It's a dagger in my heart that seems to resurrect itself around this time every year. I read something on Facebook that describes my feelings perfectly:
- Grab a plate and throw it on the ground
- Okay, done.
- Did it break?
- Yes
- Now, say sorry to it
- Sorry
- Did it go back to the way it was before?
- No
- Do you understand?
I can't even say I'm sorry in person. So, while I can't fix the broken plate or the broken heart and spirit of an old classmate, maybe I can try something else - to take a bad situation and try to do some good with The David Edsen project. During this Valentine's season, I'm going to challenge myself and all of you to find a David Edsen - those who feel unloved. Let them know that during this time the world celebrates love, there are people who care about them.
Find someone in your circle of friends who will be alone this Valentine's Day and take them to dinner. Give a plate of cookies to someone in your church circle who needs a friend. Find that person at work or at school who seems to be alone a lot and sit with them during lunch. That neighbor that you've been distant from - send a card. Go to a retirement home and talk to the people - let them know there is still love around. Give flowers to strangers.
If you feel inclined, please share this with others so we can spread the good. For those that take the challenge, please let me know what you did and how you felt. While I can't fix what happened, I can try to move forward and hope that maybe I can influence someone else. Maybe it will reach him or someone he cares about...someday.
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